Thursday, 29 July 2010

an 'interesting' wedding


oh guys.

i'm sure you are all well versed in dealing with family incomprehension at your 'non-traditional' choices. and i could use some help.

we are not having a very 'traditional' wedding. we are marrying in the early evening so we can skip the sit down dinner thing and save ourselves some money and stresses. instead, we are doing anti-pasto, a dessert reception and cheese boards in the evening. for some reason the boy's family just does not get this. they keep trying to change our minds about this and can't seem to get past the idea of what you 'should' do at a wedding. rahhhhh! to clarify - i LOVE the idea of no sit down meal. we want something relaxed and fun and informal but after so many questions and suggestions of how to do a sit-down meal after we've said we don't want one... well, i start to feel like everyone thinks we are cheap. which we are. but it's also not all about the money and i HATE that i care so much what everyone thinks.

you know what though, i have to add in a little caveat here - i do think we are pretty lucky with the families we have and i'm sure compared to other people's wedding meddling families they seem like a walk in the park. i guess i'm just not used to having to explain or defend my choices in life. and we've been so careful in making choices that resonate with us that it feels like an attack when someone goes 'oh... well maybe we can put all the wedding guests on a bus and drive to a restaurant and do the dinner there...' (i am not kidding about that last quote by the way - that was the boy's sisters suggestion after we said we didn't want to do a sit down dinner.)

grumble. grumble. i guess i was just pushed over the edge last night when i was talking the the boy's 80 year old grand-ma and she said 'well, your wedding is certainly going to be... interesting.'

ok, share your wedding doubter stories. it will make me feel better!


  1. Hmm. Tough one. Ours isn't traditional either. Luckily, no one has questioned it yet, though i sense it's coming. My tack so far has been not to explain too much to people, but then I live a fair way from most of my family so I can escape it. Also, our families are quite up for most of our ideas. But when I've met with resistance on the odd occassion so far, my tactic has been to emphasise how we all want the same things: for people to feel happy, unconstrained, relaxed. Emphasising similarities, even though it's quite different.

  2. Ew. Ew to all of it. We had wedding doubters from the get go. ours were more like, "why don't you wait a couple of years and save money?" WTF. Why would I save money for this? 1. I want to marry him now and 2. I'm not comfortable spending 2 years worth of savings for one day. It's ridiculous, you know. People equate money with how nice something is. Being cheap or thrifty is tacky and real weddings have sit-down, served meals. I don't wan to live in that world. In fact, I don't live in that world. In my world, good food is made with love, eaten with your hands, maybe even with a pint (ok, def with a pint), shared with loved ones and tastes good. You can sit, stand, squat or even lay down if you like. And if you invited me to your wedding, I would rave to everyone I know about cheese plates and dessert and anti-pasto. Who the eff doesn't like anti-pasto? Goodness.

  3. @ claire - that's a good approach. i think they are just unsettled by the difference of what we are doing. but they're slowly coming around to it!

    @ angie - i know right?! the average cost of a wedding in Oz is around 20k.. 20k!!!! for one day. it ridonkulous. i agree - anti pasto is the shit and they will eat, drink and laugh and wonder what their problem was afterwards!

  4. Hello... well I am kind of late, but we totally had a wedding like you describe and everyone was happy. We specifically did NOT want a sit-down-wait-forever for the food wedding. We wanted people to sit where they liked and move around, and mix, and be relaxed. Our reception started around 12:30 after our ceremony. We had different "stands" of food in different places, to enhance people moving around, and also, not to concentrate all food in one place and avoid queues. We had high tea, cakes, scones.... but also a salad buffet, ham, melon... antipasti like you said and some salty food like quiche and the like. People were actually really happy to be able to talk to many more, and we got compliments. We were really happy of the way it turned out, and it felt really us. We did it this way not only to be thrifty (though also... we were paying for our wedding and did not want to go in debt for a party) but mainly because of the feel we wanted our wedding to have, cheerful and relaxed. It was at the terrace of a really nice restaurant and they were very accesible with everything we asked.
    So go for it, sure it will be different to your typical wedding, but people will remember and they will be happy, happy to be with you in the start of your family and life together.


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